Plus there is a prize, possibly a free t-shirt.ġ1.) I hope you all brought a number 2 pencil. This way I am guaranteed your attention and you are guaranteed someone yelling out “Bingo!” prematurely. Because there are leaders and there are those who lead. Big Bald Spot On the Side of Your Head, and Mrs. Speech ending line: Listen to politicians now, with their comprehensive 12-point plans. He dedicated his award to, among others, Mrs. During this acceptance speech at the Peoples Choice Awards in 2012, Sandler wanted to thank the grade school teachers who shaped his young life. First person to yell “Bingo!” after the speech ends wins a prize. Adam Sandler has already thanked enough people in his lifetime. A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes. (works at most conventions, except those involving farming, you have been warned)Ĩ.) In my alternate reality the audience becomes nervous before I give the speech, while I sit in the back impatiently waiting.ĩ.) In order to give my words more weight I am taking all of you out to McDonald’s after this speech.ġ0.) I have designed this talk to end abruptly at any time. Teaching is like hiking up an erupting volcano, during a hurricane, while being chased by dinosaurs. (throw out candy.)ħ.) Welcome everyone to our annual mashed potato convention. FUNNY ISPEECH PHRASES FULLFor full effect it would be best if you all remained clothed in my mind and I was pictured naked in yours.ģ.) If you can hear me, please start clapping as to confuse those that cannot make out what I am saying.Ĥ.) For your comfort I have chewed a stick of spearmint gum prior to this speaking engagement.ĥ.) The last time I gave a speech the only response I got was “Guilty!”Ħ.) If your speech is long it better be good, if it is bad it better be short, and if you fail at this you better have free candy. 1.) If it wasn’t for all of you here today, I would be alone.Ģ.) I am not much of a speech writer, though I do like to try and interject humor where and I can.
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